The Romance Writer’s Diet

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a dedicated writer of romance (or any other genre for that matter) will spend sufficient time with her butt in chair writing such that said derierre expands beyond proportions considered healthy.

It’s a fact of our lives.  Americans are, by and large, overweight to begin with.  Add to that the sedentary nature of our occupation as writers and ultimately our fannies, hips, thighs, and other areas expand in most unattractive ways.  So until someone invents a contraption that will allow my lower half to excersise without jostling my upper half, which I need still in order to type properly, I’m constantly starting new diet and exercise programs.  Programs which I very usually fail at.

I’m starting another one today.  My husband wants to do the low carb thing again (as it’s always worked out very well for him), and since I won’t let him do Atkins (SO terrible for your kidneys), we’re doing the South Beach Diet.  Today is Day 1 of Phase 1, and I’m already missing my morning toast and the crust that should go with the quiche I had for breakfast.  :cries:  Not a clue what I’ll be having for lunch.

I got to thinking about how there’s been a fad for everything else under the sun, so why hasn’t there been a Romance Writer’s Diet?  Seriously.  Make these lifestyle changes appealing and fit my life!  Give my recipes amusing names like Bodice Ripper Chicken or Love Me (Pork) Tenderloin.  Find a way to make chocolate an acceptable daily nutritional supplement.  Actually, the Sonoma Diet sort of fits that last requirement.

And most importantly of all, find some way to make exercise of the non- bedroom variety fun.  Maybe they could make downloadable trainers for the Wii Fit.  I know a lot of people have those.   So instead of the generic man or woman they have on there now, we could pick a burly, bare chested Scotsman in a kilt who could growl sweet nothings at us in a sexy burr when we meet some fitness goal.  I tell you that would get me on there a lot faster and be a damn sight more effective than that little kid’s voice going “Oh!” whenever I step on the board.  And seriously, do you HAVE to make the Mii rounder based on what I weigh?  Really?  Are you trying to shame me into to exercise by making me look like a beach ball with legs?  What is up with that?   My husband was so offended by that, he’s never stepped back on the Wii Fit again.

Maybe they could even make a Romance Lover’s Wii Fit.  At the beginning you could pick your genre, and the trainers would be based on that.  They could create some kind of games for balance and cardio that mirror our favorite scenes in romance novels.  Or maybe it will read a story to us as we do our reps.  Or something.  No idea how that would work, but the idea is to sell exercise as fun.  I require serious motivation to sweat because I really hate to do it.  It takes very little to make me do so where I live and it’s just uncomfortable.  It’s not the exercise itself.  If you could make it 55 degrees in the gym so that I never broke a sweat, I’d be cool with that (no pun intended).  It’s why I’m so much more active in the fall and winter.

Anyway, what would you make a part of the Romance Writer’s Diet?  And I’m being totally serious.  If it were a true, viable weight loss method, how would it work?