PersonalWork In ProgressWritersWriting

Doubts

So the first sign that today is probably going to be a long day: I tried to cook my toast in the freezer.

This would be after I’d managed to bump into every other thing in my stumbling around trying to get ready for work.  But it’s Friday, praise God, and tomorrow I can sleep in before the marathon deep clean of the house hubby and I will be doing to prepare for the party tomorrow night.

I just realized I didn’t blog yesterday.  I guess I didn’t have anything to say.  What a concept.

I started First Blood last night and made it through the first scene, albeit with one bracketed section about a brief dream, the subject of which I don’t know yet.  It wasn’t the best thing I’ve done and wasn’t the worst.  But it was words.  1078 of them to be precise.  I’m fine with that given that we’re in full on page fright territory.  I knew this would happen.  It’s been 10 days since I produced any new words, so my brain is immediately swamped in doubts (while simultaneously doing a happy dance at the positive response I’m getting from betas about Forsaken By Shadow).  That maniacal puppet from the broken toys car in Polar Express is dancing a jig in my brain.

You’re a DOUBTER!  A DOUBTER! Did anybody else find that scene creepy or is it just me with my doll phobia?

For once I’m not doubting my abilities.  I’m not even doubting the book itself.   What I am doubting is whether I’ve picked the right place to begin.  Whether I’ll do right by my heroine.  Whether I’ll be able to make her breathe and live and BE who she needs to be when she’s so very different from me.  And it’s not something so simple as taking a situation, thinking “What would I do?” and then making her do the opposite.  That would be ridiculous and shallow characterization that doesn’t take into account her history.

I”m just not in the groove yet.  Once I get past the first plot point, I’ll be into the more familiar, the story I told last year.  I’ll just be retelling it as it should have been told the first time.  I think I’ll maybe feel better then.

Pot thinks mostly the first scene just needs some reordering, as my thoughts were all over the place with it last night.  No doubt that would help.  I’m also going to have to acknowledge that–sigh–the rest of the world probably doesn’t have White Christmas memorized, and I’m probably going to have to more clearly spell out some things.  Best Christmas movie ever, people.  Get with the program.

And I just realized I’m very late to work.  Crap.

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