I’m doing some housekeeping stuff before I hit the road to go see Mom for the day. The last load of laundry is in the dryer, two of the three loads that are done are put away. Dishwasher is loaded and running and the first pile in the sink is washed. Just finished breakfast.
I feel like I have a permanent eye twitch. My personal quota for endurable chaos has been exceeded. We thought they’d be done with the ceiling this week so that we could put EVERYTHING BACK. But no. Of course they’re poor communicators and they aren’t finished. They still have to come back and put the texturizing layer on. And we still have to find someone to paint (which is hard to do when we don’t know when the sheetrock guys will be done. My house is a wreck. It’s filthy. It’s hard to clean what there is because nothing is where it goes. I am fast plummeting into that neurotic place where I frantically try to clean and organize stuff, only to drop things and break them because the more anxious I get over mess and chaos, the clumsier I am (which is saying something because I’m clumsy to start).
On top of all this, I realized I had a significant problem with my WIP this week. Of the probably starting completely over from scratch variety. This is not what one wants to realize 44k into a book. This is the reason I plot–to try to avoid this stuff. But just like some people are red green color blind or blue yellow color blind, all writers have some form of plot blindness, where they think they have something nailed and…don’t. Friday was my personal pity party funk. I spent yesterday going back to the core concept and synopsizing with the things I’d neglected more clearly in mind. I think I have things sorted out and have sent the synopsis off to my CPs to see if they agree or if I’m filling in the gaps in my brain in a way that everybody else doesn’t. Once I hear back from them, I’ll outline again. The sad and frustrating thing is that I don’t think I’ll get to keep much of what I’ve written. I mean, the scratchpad exists for a reason, and I won’t reconcile the whole thing to the trash bin since it’s a series and at some point I might be able to use some of the town and people descriptions at some point. But…UGH. It’s one of those things where I think I’ll be better off opening a fresh new file to draft in than trying to deliberately salvage the existing draft. Many many little darlings are about to be exterminated. May they rest in peace.
I leave Wednesday for the coast and RT. It should be a fantastic trip. I get to see writer pal Lockwood Monk, and dozens of other writer friends . I think the writer frenzy energy of a conference is really going to charge me up again and put me in a good place to dive fresh into drafting when I get back. And there are SO MANY PANELS I want to attend!
I have hope that by the end of this month my life and my house will be BACK TO NORMAL. There are all these things I wanted to have done by now that I haven’t. I probably won’t have a garden at all this year. I haven’t gotten our old headboard sold. I haven’t had time to clean up the antique doors I intend to turn into our NEW headboard. I haven’t gotten the old stove sold. Always something…