A Jeans Rant

To the jeans manufacturers directly responsible for EVERYBODY in Walmart, Kroger, and our Asian market knowing that I was wearing blue undies with BUTTERFLIES this morning…YOU SUCK.  To everyone who let me walk around all morning WITHOUT telling me that I had a GAPING HOLE in the butt of my jeans…YOU ALSO SUCK.  If my butt shows up in a People of Walmart shot, I will NOT BE PLEASED.

This would be the FIFTH PAIR OF JEANS that I’ve had split in the last 3 months (exactly what I want to have happen after I’ve been dieting and working out for an hour a day).  IN THE EXACT SAME SPOT.  Always the inner top corner where the back pocket connects to the seat.  The first four pair were old and had been washed a million and a half times.  Worn out.  This pair was new.  Ish.  Like one of the replacement pairs for the other 4.  So two months old. And the fabric there just disintegrated.  SO NOT COOL.

Image representing Zappos as depicted in Crunc...
Image via CrunchBase

To Zappos, who now sells jeans and has FREE SHIPPING BOTH WAYS, you are the savior of all who live in small towns with sucky shopping.  As of Tuesday I should have two pair of Levi’s Curvy Boot Cut Jeans, which allegedly are designed for those of us with junk in the trunk and a tiny waist.  We shall see.  I ordered a couple of sizes since I don’t know how they’ll fit and THERE IS FREE RETURN SHIPPING (in a world where shipping costs you out the wazoo, it bears repeating in all caps because it is A GOOD THING). Once I know my size (and please dear GOD let one of them fit properly), I shall order another pair or two, since I have another 3 pair of the cheapo ones that are bound to go adios any day now.

Now tell me, when they are providing measurements for jeans, they give you the waist, they give you the inseam…both obviously useful measurements when trying to figure out your fit.  And they give you the leg opening.  Except this is apparently the leg opening at the ankle, which has zero bearing on whether they will fit.  Why do they not provide the leg opening AT THE THIGH?  That would be much more useful since that’s generally the point at which there is epic fail in the fitting department.

This random jeans based rant was brought to you by Lee Riders jeans.

10 thoughts on “A Jeans Rant

  1. One year, all my jeans developed some type of hole by the zipper, in the exact same spot! I feel your pain, buying jeans is an exercise in frustration, much like purchasing a swimsuit. Thanks for sharing the Zappos info, I may give that a try once I find a pair I can have duplicated with an online order. Keep the faith, there is a pair of jeans out there that will make you happy, they currently reside on a shelf in a warehouse dreaming of putting a smile on your face.

  2. oh I feel sooooo bad for you…that no one would tell you there was a hole in your jeans is appalling:( If had witnessed this, Kait, I would have told you… no way would I have let you or anyone walk around with undies exposed in public! Hope those jeans you ordered fit!

    1. Hubs told me when I got home and was putting groceries away. I am not sure if they split while I was out or if he just didn’t do his routine check out of my butt before I left… 😉

  3. Hopefully, you didn’t go out with the hole in your jeans;)) You’ll have to make sure your hubby does the butt check before leaving home…lol

  4. Ouch. My mom just had a pair of jeans split in back—right when she was about to leave a friend’s house, about to head home. Mom heard the rip, and her friend noticed. Mom had just spent the morning at a hectic morning sidewalk sale and running around on various errands—and had gotten rid of 2 pairs of old about-to-rip jeans two days prior.

    Hopefully the pants just ripped at the end, because surely someone would be as tactless as I am and go out of their way to alert a complete stranger about the undie parade?

    Ooo, I’ll check out that Zappos site. Thanks for the heads-up!

  5. I’m like Mary Jo…I had a bunch of jeans develop holes by the zipper in the exact same spot. I’ve now started buying very cheap Faded Glory jeans. Best. Jeans. Ever. I’ve worn these and washed these over and over and there’s not a thing wrong with them except the normal fade. No holes anywhere.

  6. There’s nothing like a good rant for cleansing the humours.

    Who knows, maybe a jeans exec is reading your post right now and hurriedly reaches for the phone to have many pairs of jeans rushed to you (shipping free) for you to review. This could be the start of a whole new career.

  7. Hole in the jeans is way too tame for People of Walmart. You’d have to be commando or have something ALIVE coming out of the hole. You’re safe.

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