For Angel

I’m weeping as I write this–my heart so shattered I can hardly breathe.

My baby died today. Our youngest dog, Angel. She was four.  And she was one of my greatest joys.

My husband called me at work around four, hysterical, saying that Angel had jumped out of the car and was gone. I thought she’d run off. After a lot of shouting of “Where are you?”, I finally got a coherent enough answer out of him and went racing out of my office without a word to anyone. But it was too late.

She liked to sniff on car rides, so my husband indulged her by leaving the windows down–something I never do (though that’s more from a preference to avoid what the wind does to my hair, I confess). He had some trash in the backseat, and the wind caught it, blew it up. And apparently it scared her because she jumped out.

We buried her with her favorite rope by her uncle Shadow, who passed last fall.

I’ve never lost a pet before. I didn’t have pets to lose until after I moved out for college. Daisy’s been with me for almost seven years. Angel came to us our first year of marriage. She was the sweetest dog to ever walk. She absolutely adored people and was the most loving animal. She liked to lean while you stroked her head. And her fur was so so soft. She shed like crazy, and I had the irrational thought that I was sorry we vacuumed yesterday because now there’s not Angel-hair everywhere. I’d rather have my dog and the shedding problem back.

I keep expecting her to poke her head around the corner. Or bark to be let inside. Or beg for more kitchen scraps. Everything in our house reminds me of her. I don’t know whether to put away her bowl and bed and leash or to leave them. I’m not sure what would be worse. The house feels so empty.

Our wonderful neighbors brought some dinner, but the idea of food is obscenely unappealing. I came home and immediately ordered a safety harness for Daisy.

My husband is devastated and blames himself. Nothing I can say is going to make it any better. Maybe at some point in the future we’ll think about getting another dog. But not for a while.

We love you Baby Bear. Wherever you are, I hope you catch that squirrel.

6 thoughts on “For Angel

  1. I am so very sorry for losing Angel.

    My heart is broken for you. There are no words except I know she is in Heaven chasing squirrels and being so happy.

    I pray your heart will heal soon, remember the good times!

  2. Hugs, I am soooo sorry. My heart aches for you. We lost a dog a few years ago and when the kids get sad remembering, we picture Bear playing ball with their great-grandpa, whom the two youngest don’t really remember from real life, but we’ve talked about him so much, they’ll never forget.

  3. Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I couldn’t help but tear up myself while reading this. Jason and I are thinking of you two.

  4. Hola Chica. I am so very sorry that Angel passed. I was devasted as well when we lost our oldest cat, Domino. Pet Daisy for me. Wishing you peace.

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