Habits Are Hard To Build (and Rebuild)

I am going to make a confession here.  Over the weekend, I had one mega, gigantic shit-fit pity party.  Pot was largely the recipient of it, and she’s still speaking to me after the spew, so perhaps it wasn’t too awful.  As a rule, I despise pity parties.  They’re so…unproductive.  One of my BFFs from college and I started a habit back then of the 10 Minute Pity Party where in the listener sets an actual timer for 10 minutes and the grouser spews every single thing that they’re angry, frustrated, upset, or pitying themselves about (primarily in a list type form without a great deal of elaboration).  It’s a great exercise for giving perspective and something I have often used casually with clients and friends.  Why?  Because almost without fail, the grouser finishes the spew before the ten minutes is up.

Most of my fit yesterday was over the fact that my backside no longer fits into last year’s capri pants and it’s already in the mid-80s here.  Which means actual summer is going to be BAD. UGH.  I fought, tooth and nail to drop some more weight last year, and since November, I’ve gained it all back.  :headdesk:  A lot of my fit was fueled by hormones and related retained water weight, but there’s definitely legitimate weight gain there for lots of reasons–I haven’t been as active because I’ve been BUSY and tired and BUSY and often out of my normal routine and environment, which means I’ve been eating a lot of crap I shouldn’t and more OF it in general, such that my appetite has expanded to 6’4″ linebacker status again.  I am a stress eater.  And the last few months.  Yeah.  Add to that the fact that it’s friggin’ allergy season and Daylight Savings Time (surely the idea of Satan, who is a morning person) and it’s just frigging HARD.

My body being out of whack has also contributed to my writing being out of whack.  I’m totally one of those people who believe there’s a strong mind-body connection.  And while I’m absolutely starting to get back on the bandwagon with creating SOMETHING, I still haven’t REALLY been able to dive back into this one particular scene in Red.  I’m considering just throwing the darn thing in brackets and moving forward and coming back to it later.  Because this one scene I just don’t SEE yet.  I see what’s WRONG with it and what NEEDS to be expressed, but I don’t think my mind is quite clear enough to do it justice.

I’m a really disciplined person most of the time.  Once I’m IN that routine, I’m really good about sticking to it.  But getting back into it is HARD when so much stuff is still out of whack.  I’m trying to get myself mentally back in a place where I LIKE muscle soreness because it means I DID something.  Because it means I’m on my way back to being fit.  I do NOT feel fit right now.  I feel JIGGLY, which is so not cool.  I’m trying to convince myself that I LIKE fruits and vegetables better than carby junk and piles of cheese.  The truth is that I like them WITH carby junk and piles of cheese…  But as I’m constantly preaching with A Round of Words in 80 Days (Round 1 of which is drawing to a close this week), it’s about taking things a day at a time and establishing HABITS.  Celebrate the victories as I have them and not beating myself up over perceived failures.

Day 1: I did my morning workout and had a healthy breakfast.  Maybe if I start announcing my #fitgoal on Twitter again…


19 thoughts on “Habits Are Hard To Build (and Rebuild)

  1. I don’t know if it helps, but I just came off a two week pity party – amazingly, my CP is also still speaking to me. I just don’t know where she gets her patience from. My PP was partly based on my back issues and partly on the size of my butt. The butt issue reared (as it were) its ugly head when my old jeans tore (i.e. along 8″ of fabric) right past one of the back pockets, exposing my pink underwear. This forced me to the shops where I discovered my clothes size can now be measured in light years.

    Me and my ugly new jeans can now be found eating vegetables rather than chocolate biscuits. I did bend and buy a box of mini chocolate donuts yesterday, but managed to eat only half the box, and finished it today. I think in weight loss, as in writing, small goals are good. They lead to big goals and give you reasonable milestones and a reason to celebrate hitting each one along the way.

    You’ll look awesome in those capri pants.

  2. I can totally relate to this post. But my problem isn’t my butt or my jeans. My problem is the fact that I don’t have any spring/summer blouses that don’t cling to my ever growing belly. I didn’t use to have this “spare tire” until menopause set in. Ugh.

    I bought a WII but haven’t really had time to use it lately. Tomorrow, I’m going to start back to walking with a friend of mine. This means that I will need to purchase a new pair of walking shoes, since mine have lost all arch support.

    Kait, we will get this weight off. And we’ll feel soooo much better.

  3. I totally empathize with everything you’ve said in this post. I’ve also had a bunch of crazy spewed all over my life lately, and therefore, I, like you, have fallen out of all kinsd of routines — exercise, eating right, writing right. At least you will be here later this week, thank GOD, and we can commiserate/cheer each other up in person. 😀

    But, yes, the most important thing to remember during all this — and something I really need to put up on sticky notes EVERYWHERE so I remember and actually start to believe it — is One Day At A Time. No one ever accomplished anything important in a day — building Rome, writing a book, changing a lifestyle, etc. That’s what I love about ROW80. It’s not about how much you do, but how consistently you do it.

  4. i paid my fee to run a half marathon in May as a way of getting myself out of the house and back on the sidewalks running .
    I understand about a scene that is not coming together a can halt your project because that is happening to me.
    I think the bracket idea may be a way forward and getting into a fitness habit should get you into productive writing because I agree with you about the mind body connection.

  5. Last year I finished a long weight loss program that ended with me at the same weight I was at in high school. Overall I lost 145 pounds. And now, after the indulgences of the holidays and the doldrums of winter, I have gained back 25 pounds. I’m willing to set a weight loss goal for the next round of ROW80. If you set up that fitness sub-thread, count me in!

  6. Kait, I love the idea for a ten-minute pity party. Sorry you’re stressed right now, but we’re all here to support you. And count me in for the exercise sub-thread of ROW80, round 2! Life is just starting to get back to normal after three months of bed-rest and gentle movement, so I need to lose the weight I’ve gained back!

  7. It never ceases to amaze me that there are others out there who seem to have similar issues as myself. Thank you so much for sharing. I really like the idea of the ten minute timer.

  8. Oh, how I feel your pain! I blame it on hibernation. Sure, comparing myself to a bear is not ideal, but that is exactly what I’m doing. The winter brings cold, the cold means I’m mostly indoors, and that means I eat, sleep, read, and (unfortunetly) work – that is until I can get paid to attend clubs like Paris Hilton. Tthat is the daily routine of my winter days. As you can see, exercise it out of the equation. My only means of exercise in the winer is reaching for the remote, a book, or walking to the train station where I fight off the crowds for a seat. Yup, not good. But, the spring is coming so, like you, I’m back on my diet and am willing my ass to fit into the jeans that I wore last summer without breaking into a sweat and ripping the backside to shreds! Don’t worry Kait – we can do it!…lol…isn’t that so much easier said then done *sigh*

  9. Yep. Right there with ya. Only my “too much fat” pity party two weeks ago resulted in a new monthly payment for a Total Gym (I am totally not associated with the company in any way aside from buying one). Got it last week, love it, got back that “hurt so good” feeling in my muscles, and today I’m starting the 10 minute per day workouts that came with it (10 min. intense combined cardio/resistance training 6 days per week, rest 1 day). Naturally, I started a new workout journal blog too (because it’s what I *do* when I need to keep track of something!).

    All that to say – I sympathize, really. Good luck finding your way back…it is incredibly hard, but I’m hoping I’ve found my “on switch” finally, and that you will soon too.

  10. Well, let’s look at the positive. You did your workout and your morning breakfast. Tomorrow, you have to say to yourself that you’ll do your workout and your morning breakfast. 🙂 One day at a time.

  11. Hope you’re feeling better Kait! I love the idea of a 10 minute pity party – what a great way to spew everything and then just get on with life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.