I am going to make a confession here. Over the weekend, I had one mega, gigantic shit-fit pity party. Pot was largely the recipient of it, and she’s still speaking to me after the spew, so perhaps it wasn’t too awful. As a rule, I despise pity parties. They’re so…unproductive. One of my BFFs from college and I started a habit back then of the 10 Minute Pity Party where in the listener sets an actual timer for 10 minutes and the grouser spews every single thing that they’re angry, frustrated, upset, or pitying themselves about (primarily in a list type form without a great deal of elaboration). It’s a great exercise for giving perspective and something I have often used casually with clients and friends. Why? Because almost without fail, the grouser finishes the spew before the ten minutes is up.
Most of my fit yesterday was over the fact that my backside no longer fits into last year’s capri pants and it’s already in the mid-80s here. Which means actual summer is going to be BAD. UGH. I fought, tooth and nail to drop some more weight last year, and since November, I’ve gained it all back. :headdesk: A lot of my fit was fueled by hormones and related retained water weight, but there’s definitely legitimate weight gain there for lots of reasons–I haven’t been as active because I’ve been BUSY and tired and BUSY and often out of my normal routine and environment, which means I’ve been eating a lot of crap I shouldn’t and more OF it in general, such that my appetite has expanded to 6’4″ linebacker status again. I am a stress eater. And the last few months. Yeah. Add to that the fact that it’s friggin’ allergy season and Daylight Savings Time (surely the idea of Satan, who is a morning person) and it’s just frigging HARD.
My body being out of whack has also contributed to my writing being out of whack. I’m totally one of those people who believe there’s a strong mind-body connection. And while I’m absolutely starting to get back on the bandwagon with creating SOMETHING, I still haven’t REALLY been able to dive back into this one particular scene in Red. I’m considering just throwing the darn thing in brackets and moving forward and coming back to it later. Because this one scene I just don’t SEE yet. I see what’s WRONG with it and what NEEDS to be expressed, but I don’t think my mind is quite clear enough to do it justice.
I’m a really disciplined person most of the time. Once I’m IN that routine, I’m really good about sticking to it. But getting back into it is HARD when so much stuff is still out of whack. I’m trying to get myself mentally back in a place where I LIKE muscle soreness because it means I DID something. Because it means I’m on my way back to being fit. I do NOT feel fit right now. I feel JIGGLY, which is so not cool. I’m trying to convince myself that I LIKE fruits and vegetables better than carby junk and piles of cheese. The truth is that I like them WITH carby junk and piles of cheese… But as I’m constantly preaching with A Round of Words in 80 Days (Round 1 of which is drawing to a close this week), it’s about taking things a day at a time and establishing HABITS. Celebrate the victories as I have them and not beating myself up over perceived failures.
Day 1: I did my morning workout and had a healthy breakfast. Maybe if I start announcing my #fitgoal on Twitter again…