I have actually been trying to get this blog post written since 8:30 this morning. :checks clock: You see how well that’s going. Juggling work, meetings, internet outages. I’m finally sitting down with a much needed cuppa tea. It’s a much needed boost to get through the snooze that is the afternoon here.
I’ve been thinking a lot about order and chaos lately. Or more specifically my habit of trying to make the former out of the latter. I am an organized soul. I like having everything in its place. When I was a student, I could not actually study for finals or do homework if my apartment was a wreck. You could always tell when I had a major exam coming up because the place flipping SPARKLED. Unfortunately now that I’m married with two dogs, my house seldom sparkles for long, if at all. But I still like to try and make order out of chaos. I compulsively tidy, even up to the point where I’m about to fall down with exhaustion and I still have to “just put this one thing away.”
I do the same thing at work. It’s part of what drives me ape-sh*t about my boss. She’s the most disorganized human being I’ve ever met. Much of what I have done since I came to work here is to institute systems to organize stuff. Streamline processes. Be more efficient. Largely it is a lost cause because she doesn’t pay attention, but I keep on trying. I’ve gotten all the other people on our team to adopt my system, so we’re aiming for peer pressure. Hope springs eternal.
I think that my love of writing and creating stories is tied into my aversion to chaos. I so often don’t have control of things in my real life, but on the page–there I am a goddess in complete control (well unless my characters stubbornly refuse to bend to my will, and then we get cranky with each other–but that’s another matter). A part of me feels like, if I am writing regularly, no matter how chaotic my life may be everywhere else, I can cope. If I make order out of the chaos of story or plot, I have just enough control to balance out the rest of the insanity. Which is part of why I’ve been kind of crazy the last few weeks and keep trying to set goals and schedules.
I am more sane when I write. More in control. That makes me feel more like a participant rather than an observer in my own life.
What about you? Do you need order or are you one of those souls who thrives in chaos?