So it’s nearly 4 in the morning. I’ve been awake for more than an hour, dripping sweat. I get to tell my mother in the morning that the $1500 she spent to have the upstairs AC fixed was a waste of money because it won’t cool below 75. I’m out of town for a work conference, which happens to be held in my hometown this year, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone and visit my mother, staying at Chez Mom instead of the Hilton, where I would have been reimbursed, had control of a functional AC, and a nice cushy bed. And there’s no caffeine here for the morning (oh, would that I actually drank coffee like the rest of America–God I want to move back to Britain where tea is normal). This does not a happy Kait make.
There’s a 5 foot radius in my old bedroom at my mother’s where I can pirate the neighbor’s wireless, so I’m catching up on email and such. The conference center has no internet. What is up with that?
I know I sound horrible and mean and spoiled, but I have a low tolerance for heat to begin with, I have night sweats, and on one of her prior “I’m selling the house” kicks, she had the ceiling fan taken down and replaced with a light. There used to be a tower fan in here, but she’s hidden it away, so I don’t even have that. For perspective, my husband and I keep the thermostat on 68 at night. We like to have a direct channel to the arctic. So yeah, I’m dripping sweat at 75 degrees.
On top of that, the bed is a slab of granite. My parents were those people who fully believed in the adage that a hard mattress is better for the back. To which I have always said BULLSHIT. My husband and I have a pillow top mattress, with 2 egg crates, a feather mattress pad, and a feather bed. It is a standing family joke that I am the Princess from Princess and the Pea. Straight up ancient spring mattress with no cushion might as well be sleeping on the hardwood floor. At least the floor would be marginally cooler.
I was going to go downstairs and sleep on the sofa, but it’s still 74 down there (GOD HOW DOES SHE SLEEP?), and there would be no protection from the needle-sharp claws of doom from her little furry sausage of a dog. Not really digging the concept of being au naturale in those conditions, in front of the giant bank of windows. Frankly, I’m not really digging that concept up here in my room since I’m one of those people who likes the cozy weight of blankets and pajamas when I sleep and I’m ill at ease in open air, but it’s self-preservation. I already sweated through my night shirt on top of the covers.
And my mother wonders why I never want to stay here. I’m going to be useless and exhausted all day today since I didn’t get but about 2 hours of sleep. I stood in the open freezer for a while, which helped a bit. If I could have crawled in and shut the door, I would have. I’m that miserably hot. I can’t WAIT to get home to my nice, frigid house, and my lovely, cloud-soft bed. And my spouse and dogs.