On last night’s How I Met Your Mother, they brought up the concept of Graduation Goggles (also related to Beer Goggles, Breakup Goggles, and assorted other goggles). This came up at McLaren’s when Marshall decided to quit his job at GNB. Suddenly all the bad jokes, annoying coworkers, and crap that he’d hated so much didn’t seem so awful any more. That’s what these assorted Goggles are about–because once you emotionally realize that your time having to deal with this crap is finite, that it’s nearly done, it suddenly becomes endurable or even okay.
I realized that’s kind of where I am with my primary evil day job. A lot of stuff happened in the last six months or so. I got promoted and got a raise (amazing how many things are more endurable when you’re being paid more to deal with them). I hit that 1,000+ books a month level that’s supposed to be indicative of rising indie success. And I got an agent. Both of which is are very real, tangible steps toward making the career that I’ve always wanted. It suddenly feels REAL and attainable in a way that it absolutely DIDN’T last year in the midst of all the set backs.
It’s made WORLDS of difference in my attitude and how I feel every day. I used to have problems dragging myself out of bed because, oh God, I have to go to work. Now I still have problems dragging myself out of bed, but it’s just because oh God, it’s morning and morning SUCKS and it’s not natural for me to be moving this early. I no longer dread going to work. I don’t spend large chunks of my work day enraged, with my blood pressure reaching alarming levels, as I mentally plot means of body disposal that often prominently feature in the murder mysteries I’m writing. I don’t think I realized how toxic that was until I didn’t feel it anymore.
It’s just so much nicer to be in a better headspace about all this. Particularly because I spent almost all of my twenties angry at the world because absolutely nobody gave a damn about my being an academic superstar once I got into the real world. I feel like I’m FINALLY on track to living the life I always wanted to live–despite all the naysayers and detractors who said it would never happen–and that’s just really gratifying.