The Care and Feeding of Non-Morning People

I can’t say as this particular species is all that rare, but among those who do not belong to this set, there seems to be some misinformation about the appropriate way to deal with them without getting bitten.  We are a cagey lot and not all that docile when handled incorrectly, so as a public service, I thought it worth offering up a few pointers.

1) Much like vampires and other supernatural creatures, we hate the sun.  Not all the time, but for a few hours until we are good and awake, we find it repulsive and want to shy away and hiss as if we’ve been burned.  Keep blinds and curtains drawn until this species is totally awake.

2) Our brains do not engage for quite some time after rising.  Do not talk to us or expect to carry on any sort of rational conversation beyond “sugar or cream?” until well after we have ingested our preferred source of caffeine.  Incessant blathering tends to make us bite.  Let us approach the prospect of morning in quiet contemplation, and do not expect more than monosyllabic grunts.

3) When you do speak to a non-morning person in the morning, speak softly, as you would to a dangerous creature whose threat level you are uncertain of.  Chipper, overly-perky tones are liable to render us enraged and lost in Looney Toons fantasies of dropping an anvil on your head.

4) Do not take offense at our lack of social graces or general irritability.  We are angry at the world because it does not operate according to our body clocks.  This is not personal, and if allowed to come to full consciousness on our own terms, we will behave no differently than any other member of the human species.

16 thoughts on “The Care and Feeding of Non-Morning People

  1. Love this! I have passed this on to a co-worker of mine that is one of those creatures (as well as me) so that he can let me know how they are to deal with him in the mornings. Ha! We always say don’t talk to David until after 10:00am around here. **snicker**

  2. I, on the other hand, am a semi-morning person. I’m okay if I can finally rise from the bed. I don’t want to leave the comfort of the cozy, but once I’m up and about, I’m fine. I have a friend who said one time concerning a Saturday (my day off), “Did you sleep in? What, 7:30?” LOL.

    I’m rarely irritable at any time of day. But at least I’m not one of those people who annoy morning people. I just leave them alone until they are human again. 🙂

  3. Luckily my husband (who is a morning person) has grown accustomed to my non-morning attitude. He leaves me alone to snug with the dogs and cats until I’m ready to face the day on my own terms. But it took a lot of time to train him 😉

  4. I have the tendency to get up pretty early even though I’m not a morning person. I think it’s mainly a survival tactic to counter my “morning” person husband who sleeps in. Whose survival is debatable.

  5. Thank you for clarifying this. We morning people need to know what to do/not do to make your mornings worse!
    I may need to craft a morning person (total non-night person) response at some point. 😉

  6. I like this, even though I am actually a morning person. I know…heavy groan! But years and years of habit have instilled early rising in me, and I think it’s here to stay. But without my caffeine, I am as useless as the next person.

    I have signed up to do another round of Row 80, after opting out for a couple of rounds (or three?).

    Here’s MY ROW 80 POST

  7. Oh too funny! I AM a morning person…4;30 is a fine wake up call to write. However, do NOT even indulge in a conversation with me until I have had my coffee. Hissss! Now need a post on the care and putting to bed of non-evening people!

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