I just finished calculating and submitting final grades for the semester. I had a LOT of failing grades this semester, largely from a subset of students who simply stopped attending class. This happens a lot in the online teaching world, to the point that we often wind up with an inverse bell curve at the end of the semester. It shocks me how many students will sign up to take a class, spend the money on it (theirs or student loans), and then just…NOT do it. The inverse bell curve would suggest that if they actually, you know, did the work, they’d mostly be fine. But whatever. It was fewer papers for me to grade.
We’re closing in on the end of the year. Next week is my LAST WEEK at the evil day job until 2013 (the long holiday vacation is the number one perk of working for the university). Which is not to say that it isn’t jam packed, but the END IS NIGH! Which means that NAPPING IS NIGH! Y’all, I can’t express how much I live for this short stretch of time wherein I can take an afternoon nap. There’s something so sinfully decadent about passing out on the sofa under a snuggly blanket for a couple hours. Of course, me being me and operating at 110% all the time, I’ll probably do this twice and then lose myself in writing or other projects the rest of my time off. There’s plenty to fill up the time!
This morning I was up at 5:30 (poor hubby is having sinus issues and sounds like a lumberjack these days when he sleeps), at which point I sent a Brainsplosion email to my two CPs outlining what I’m doing in this final fight sequence and my concerns about it. At which point Susan predictably emails back something to the effect of “I love you, but if you don’t just finish the damn book, I will have to beat you. Kisses!” Probably if I’d been locked in a room with her and Claire, I’d have been done with the thing by now–both because they’d be there to brainstorm with 24/7 and because their Glares of Imminent DOOM would terrify me into submission more so than finishing this book actually does.
Which is a weird thing to say but on some, deep, not-to-be-thought-about level, I think I’m afraid of this book. Afraid that it’s not as good as I think it is. That I’ve failed the story and the characters and somehow irreversibly screwed it up. Some of this is because it is such a Big Story compared to what I’ve done in the past. Some is because it’s the first book I’ve written with almost no hand holding. I mean, there’s been brainstorming with CPs and feedback on little bits here and there. But it has otherwise been a much more solo journey than past projects. Which is fine and good and healthy and a learning experience. But kind of, you know, terrifying.
There, I said it. ME. Usually confident (:cough: arrogant :cough:) ME admits to being AFRAID.
Now I need to go finish the damn book.