So my soundtrack this morning is Put Your Records On by Corrine Bailey Rae.
Not really because I’m feeling it AT ALL, but more because I refuse to give in to what I AM feeling and listen to something hideously angry and depressing like…IDK…The Cure.
I hardly know what to say as an update this morning other than to offer a PSA that wine, PMS, and revision planning do not go well together. Because, in concert, they strip away all the arrogance, the optimism, the protective gear that gets me through day to day, the belief that I won’t always be pulled in six different directions because I’m actually good enough. Which leaves me a mass of quivering insecurities, curled up on a wet pillow with a crying hangover. It…wasn’t a good night.
There are people in my life who would look at me in this condition and pat my hair and say “Why don’t you give yourself a break for a while?” And they’d mean well. But they’d be the devil of doubt on my shoulder. Hanging by a finger off the other shoulder is my little writing angel, who looks a lot like Mickey Goldmill (that’s Rocky’s coach for those of you not in the know) and is shouting at me that that’s the coward’s way. The lazy way. Nobody ever got anywhere from giving themselves that kind of break.
Yeah, okay Mickey.
There’s this balance we have to find as writers. We want to put out a great book. Anything less doesn’t serve our readers or our brand. But so easily we can get trapped in this paralyzing icy hell of trying to find perfection. Of only ever seeing holes and problems and the 875 ways it could be better if only I wrote the damned thing over again (and torched my soul in the process). Somewhere in there, we have to let it go. To decide that it’s good enough that they probably won’t come after us with pitchforks and one star reviews. But finding that level, accepting it, is about as rare as the birth of a white buffalo (a symbol of hope, if I remember correctly).
So this week I’m looking for my white buffalo.
Hope everybody else is in a better place.
Arrogance is under rated. Or perhaps it is the confidence that goes with it that we really need… yet confidence implies that we are certainly capable of a task, whereas arrogance implies we only THINK we’re good enough…
But sometimes we need to think we’re good enough, whether or not we are.
Never underestimate the power of Fake it til you make it.
I think I did a post one time on having to finally “let it go and publish it”. Every time I write a book and publish it, I later think of ways it could have been better or little changes that might have been interesting. I think we’ll ALWAYS do that. We can tweak and tweak and just not let go, but then books don’t get published. So now, if my beta readers like it, and I like it, I let it go. It will never be perfect. NONE of us are perfect.
Maybe there’s a happy medium between giving yourself a break and totally beating yourself up.
Wine and writing is probably an okay combination. Wine and revisions…not so much. You’ll get your arrogance back when you feel better.
Wine and revisions… *twitches* Sorry you put yourself through that, Kait.
I would probably one of those people who said “give yourself a break”, but to me there is a difference between a break, a rest and a vacation… We need each of them at varying times. We don’t need any of them all the time. They need to be special, or they have no value at all.
Maybe what you needed was/is a break. A quick walk around the block, perhaps a few minutes sitting with the dog, rubbing her tummy… not thinking about the story just the feel of her fur through your fingertips.
A break… a pause, a few minutes to just clear your head.
Then you needed to get your gluteus maximus back in the chair and work the gray matter till it sweats. 😀
Reblogged this on moonstruck4131's Blog and commented:
Sometimes giving in to it keeps one from beating themselves up about something that they aren’t to blame for at all…… Then again sometimes not.
I am new to writing. I have loved reading as far back as I can remember. The last couple of years were just pure hell for me so I decided to keep a journal of my feeling. This turned into starting a book of my own.
With no creative writing courses, or any form of writing knowledge I dug in and on the first day poured out 7000 words, and it began.
During this process I decided to just start asking questions on twitter and it began. The best advice I received was this, “Write what I like, if I want to read it, chances are others will also.” I listen to the advice others give me but that is as far as it goes.
“The first draft of everything is shit.” Earnest Hemingway
“Remember: when people tell you something is wrong, or it doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.” Neil Gaiman
Probably not worth much but…