Personal

Closure

My grandmother’s funeral was yesterday.  The service was nice, though the preacher’s phrasing when talking about the phases of resurrection totally had me thinking about zombies, which was obviously not what he was going for.  Dude, he used the phrase rising from the grave!  Guarantee I was the only person there with that thought.  Call it an occupational hazard.

I always have a really hard time with funerals.  I know all the details of death, the processes the body goes through as it shuts down.  I’ve studied murder and forensics and autopsies.  As a kid I was taught how to clean and gut fish, fowl, and other game.  Yet I can’t handle open casket funerals.  Can’t.  They make me want to crawl out of my skin and run screaming.  This one wasn’t open casket for the funeral, but there was a brief family visitation before.  I didn’t go in to see the body.  I was too busy cowering in a corner, hiding behind my husband and in laws.

Yellow daffodils - floriade canberra
Image via Wikipedia

My grandmother’s plot is beside someone whose family planted daffodils all over their grave.  I had to focus on that because I can’t stand all the artificial turf and fake flowers everywhere else.  I held it together through the funeral, though I still have nail marks on my arm and the insides of my cheeks are pulp from being chewed on.  It’s not my way to break down in front of others.  My whole body just aches from the stress.  I’m a rock when everybody else cracks, then I have to go crawl into my cave to cope. I haven’t gotten to my cave yet.  But I will.

I finally get to go home tonight, back to my dogs, and my hubs, and my BED.  Then it’s back to work and routine.  The co-op is having their 10 for $25 azalea sale, so I think I’ll be planting this week to replace the azaleas I planted last year that died while I was dealing with hubby’s leg break and forgot to water them (not something that works in JULY in Mississippi).  It will feel good to plant, I think.  Another link in the chain.

14 thoughts on “Closure

  1. I know exactly what you mean about funerals and viewing open caskets! There’s just something very odd about viewing a body laid out in a casket…perhaps it is the remarks people make when they view? ‘doesn’t he/she look great?’ ‘look just like he/she is sleeping!’ ….duh?? No, the person looks dead:) I too am not a great crier at funerals, being more reserved, I guess. Don’t get these people who wail like banshees at all. Yes, it is sad, very sad when someone you know and love dies. I had both parents die within a three year period so I know this sadness all too well. In some instances, death is not always such a horrible thing when illness has robbed a person’s quality of life. Since Mum and Dad both died of cancer, they were released from further suffering! While it was very painful to lose them, it was a darn sight better than watching them linger on in pain.
    Great blog and look forward to your posts:)

  2. I know all about the Rock and Cave theory. You are a strong person, I admire you for so much more than your fiction. You are an inspirational person, and my thoughts are with you in this toughest of times.

  3. I’m sorry you had to go through this. Funerals are not easy, especially when you’re trying to hold back and not break down in front of other people. Some can grieve in public, but you are more of a private person when it comes to that. I asked Susan about you yesterday because you’ve been on my mind a lot lately since you’ve been dealing with this. I know you’ll be glad to get back home.

  4. At least you did have the daffodils and they were a bright spot in an otherwise dreary atmosphere Kait, again sorry for your loss and hope the azalea planting goes as planned and helps to cheer you up again somewhat…

  5. Hugs! I love how you focused on the daffodils. Lovely and a much needed glimpse of beauty in life as well as death,

  6. Condolences again, Kait! You’re a strong woman. At least your grandmother no longer has to suffer and you always know when to find her.

    Concentrate on those daffodils. Make sure they survive this time. 😉

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