For The Dunce Cap

Dear Students,

There are a few things I feel compelled to point out after grading the travesties that are your research papers:

  1. APA Style does not include lots of clipart graphics to detract from the fact that you did not include a single citation.
  2. Dear boy student, when you get your girlfriend who is also in my class to write your paper, you really should look at it first and realize that as a boy, you would not use the same cutesy style clipart that she did.  It’s kind of a big tell.
  3. When you use someone else’s words, there are these things called quotation marks– ” “– these things.  You have to use them in order to not be considered a plagiarist, even if you did use a citation.
  4. Please do not insult my intelligence by copying and pasting verbatim the entirety of an article that shows up in the first page of a Google search and claim it is your own.
  5. Please learn your subject/verb agreement.
  6. Please learn that you do not put a comma everywhere you pause in speech.
  7. Please learn that you do not use fragments in formal research papers.  It isn’t like breaking that rule in fiction or a personal essay.
  8. Please email me your paper in a single document.  I do not need a separate file for the title page, abstract, body, and references.
  9. When I said send the file to me as a Word file, I did not mean that you should re-title your .wps file Word.wps.
  10. Um, if you were a previous student who got dropped, make sure you send the paper due to your CURRENT teacher, not to me.  And you might want to consider not buying it.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.